Anxiety, worry, excitement, fear, anticipation.....these are just a few examples of the various feelings I have been having so far this semester, as I quickly approach college graduation in December. However, I find it funny how lately, I feel as though the Lord has really been pressing on me to enjoy EVERY chapter of life, even the ones that I feel are dragging on; i.e. school. Most of my friends are done with school and are starting their careers and I just can't help, but think...gosh, how I cannot WAIT to be working as a designer in a design firm, having a very regimented schedule, no homework, no tests and I get to meet new clients every day! The only down side I foresee is bills, but something tells me I can handle it, the Lord is SO faithful and I know He will provide. But why is it that I cannot put this faith into practice as I am currently going through the interview process these next 3 months? If I truly believe that our heavenly Father does and will always provide, why is it that I'm believing this lie that Satan has been whispering in my ear so frequently, that He is going to hold out on me this time? Maybe it is because I am fearful; fearful to start my career without my family nearby to support me, fearful that I won't be able to make ends meet and fearful of change, which is also crazy, b/c I LOVE CHANGE!
Then, it hit me yesterday at about 3pm, after I had just finished up with my very first interview with a commercial design firm here in downtown Birmingham. I couldn't understand why I felt so convicted and heavy burdened after this interview. I came prepared, dressed for the part and held my head up high. However, for those of you who know me, I am pretty much enthusiastic about everything and I felt as though I just wasn't after this interview. This interview was SUCH an answer to prayer, but I realized that my fear is beginning to affect every area of my being. That is when the convictions made sense....I may have been drenching this job search journey in tons of prayer for the past few months, but I still have not let go and let God. Instead of allowing my Savior to orchestrate the exact design position He wants His girl in, I find myself praying everyday, Lord do this, make this happen, move me back home near family, etc. Instead, I should be asking the Lord to make clear the path in which is HE desires to see me on. I truly believe that the Lord ALWAYS has the best for those that who love Him and who have been called according to His will, so with that in mind, what do I or any of us have to fear? God is saving THE BEST for His children!
This morning, a former sorority sister of mine, had this verse below on her Facebook. It was convicting, yet such an encouragement and a great reminder to us control freaks, myself is definitely included. I hope it can encourage you, as it did for me, no matter what life may be handing you right now. So often I forget, how when I put my total hope and trust in Him, He can use me 100% as a vessel for His kingdom, what a blessing!
"She laughs with no fear of the future, for her hope is in Me"
Proverbs 31:25
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